whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
