last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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