and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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