I am full of burrito and curiosity
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
