Don't you send me to vm
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
