Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize