the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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