I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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