I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
