my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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