I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
