i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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