Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
