I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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