a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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