omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
