There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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