I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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