Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Farmville is her only friend.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
