I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
