careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
