I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
