he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
