I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
