no, he came in my armpit
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
