At least make sure they are 18
Why
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
