The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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