**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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