I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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