What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
