he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
