Non-Jews are for practice
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
