The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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