i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
