Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
