fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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