Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
