there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
