Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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