watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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