i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
