I feel like I'm in dance class right now
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
