don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
