i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
