you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
