My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
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I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize