mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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