I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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