she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
