Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
