im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
