you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
