i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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