Cold hands, warm shart.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You took a bar mat shot.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
