y did u give ur computer a hand job?
another moral hangover. fuck.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
