i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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