I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
