the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
