So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
