I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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