he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
