Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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