At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
