im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
