Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Come share oat with me in your robe
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
