You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
