what day is it and did you see me today?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
