Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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