i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
