Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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