I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
