chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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