We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
