Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
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Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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