Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
