i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Someone came in the potted fern
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
