those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The power of my boobs compel you
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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