i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
40s are totally the cure
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
