She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
