Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Blood and glitter go together right?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
