i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
