Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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