I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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