someone threw a dead crab at me
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
