last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
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I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
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You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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