The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize